Forgiveness

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The power to transform.

What if we could bring the spirit of Valentine and Thanksgiving into our everyday experiences? What if we could integrate love and gratitude into all our actions and thoughts? Imagine how many ways our lives could be transformed! And, is it even possible to do this? How?

I see unconditional love as the interaction of three main energies: affinity, permission and forgiveness. In Core Interactions Theory we explore how this interaction takes place and how to coalesce them into love. I will briefly explore forgiveness in this article.

I know unconditional love is possible as I've been experiencing it with my dear wife Vanessa for three blissful decades. I know the ingredients of unconditional love very well. Even with this knowingness it is not always easy to apply it to other areas of my life. Sometimes judgements creep in, which can lower my affinity levels and neutrality. I'm aware of when this is taking place, and give my self permission to change as I forgive my self and others for the choices that caused the energy to drop. Sometimes this process requires some work...

We need to exercise forgiveness when we experience resentment or guilt. Let's explore resentment. What is the meaning of the word resentment? I prefer this word in Portuguese, its meaning is richer than in English. In Portuguese the word is ressentimento. If I break the word down it becomes re-sentimento. Sentimento comes from sentir, which means, to feel. So, ressentimento literally means to feel it again. And that's what resentment is: to feel upsetting feelings over and over again! The energy becomes a loop of anger, rage or hate, from small to obsessive levels, which can even somatize into deadly diseases.

Resentment can feel like wanting to throw a hot stone at a person, but in the meantime the stone is burning our hand... It can make us feel hurt, drained, disrespected, betrayed, unresolved, depressed or unloved.

In my professional practice of life/business coaching, I've observed that resentment results mostly from poor communication, weak agreements, unclear intentions and unrealistic expectations. I've also seen it coming from conscious and unconscious power games, such as competition, playing the victim or manipulating feelings and outcomes. Another cause is a lack of perspective, and immaturity.

If we are not clear about our intentions, agreements and expectations, have power issues, poor communication skills or lack perspective, we will most likely evoke a response that may cause us to feel upset when we engage with others. Why? Because the response can mirror our own inner conflicts and uncertainties. In this case, the anger we feel can be a blessing as it creates an opportunity for transformation if we take responsibility for our feelings and actions.

Resentment is also fed by our thought processes, personality, bio-chemistry and moods, values and beliefs, states of consciousness, and the influence of our environments and circumstances. Our perception also plays a major role. I'm not getting into these topics as they are beyond the scope of this article. I'm also not addressing heavy duty issues such as crime and war, but day to day interactions.

Let's now explore the process of forgiveness. We may have also learned some concepts from religion, philosophies or gurus, but it is important to clarify our own concepts of forgiveness. Then, we can move on to more practical ways of dealing with our resentments and guilt. Guilt is basically resentment towards self and reflects a drop in self-esteem.

We need to become conscious of our resentments, which means we have to first acknowledge their presence and their effect on us. Once conscious, we have a choice to keep or transform them. Here are a few steps to help you in this process (it applies to guilt as well):

✦Create a list of people that you feel any kind of resentment towards (or any upsetting feelings). It can also be a situation or a business that you have dealt with.
✦Describe why you feel this way for each person, business or situation, and how it is currently affecting your life. Do you perceive a root cause?
✦Do you see yourself at the beginning, middle or end of the cycle with these feelings?
✦What would help you feel complete with each process?

In Core Interactions Theory, forgiveness also means letting go of the energy tied-up with the information that is causing us distress. In order to forgive others, ourselves or accept forgiveness, we have to let go of the energy that is giving life to the feeling, and not necessarily the person/business/situation which may have triggered the process. This is a very important distinction! And a great opportunity for healing.

As for intervention, I personally prefer to use i ntentional visualizations to get to the root causes of an issue. I can intuitively identify and make completions with the energies in conflict, and create a space for new, transformative information to come into consciousness. This causes the energy system to realign with new boundaries and create shifts. There are other interventions which can support this process, such as coaching, appropriate nutrition for detox and mood balance, exercise, and bodywork for relaxation and cellular memory release.

When we embrace the path of forgiveness, we shift into a highly liberating and non-judgmental space of compassion. It is natural to want those with whom we had a conflict to resonate with us from this space, but this does not always happen as some people are fearful to look at their patterns. In this case, it is best to just acknowledge our own healing and learning from the experience, let go of it, and move on with our hearts free of resentment or guilt. We can change ourselves, not others.

Forgiveness is very empowering as it can transform our lives. When we allow it, love becomes a conscious act of creation. What a beautiful way to evolve...

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